Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Strange Love

I couldn’t post for a while. This is what I meant to post:

Are you going to bark all day, little doggie, or are you going to bite?
Sometimes nothing says it better.
And to think, this has all happened before.
Want generates hope.
And then the belief.
Forgetting to be hesitant.
Not remembering to stay angry.
Absent-mindedly dreaming.
But don’t worry.
The real thing will always slap you awake.
How apt.
Lest we forget.
The foggy form of memory adjustment isn’t in my plan.
So many interesting people.
All those dark eyes and smiling invites.
Most, if not all, would be better.
Right?
They can’t be worse. Not all of them.
Right?
Somewhere there has to be courtesy and class.
Right?
And to whom it may concern in the ether;
I think the Headstones put it right:
Fuck You.

Now, as I can post again I had to decide if these thoughts were still relevant. But also, based on my views on censorship, especially self-censorship, I let it roll. I reflected on it, too. The thoughts and feeling that fostered these words had changed, as was expected. But the funny thing was how fast they had done one full reversal, sort of switched back and now my feelings all over the place.
I feel mad. Not angry (well, maybe a little, and not really sure why, which makes it disturbing. I think I am just tired-full body and full soul- tired, but also I let myself get worked up about nothing, which seems to be something new). Just mad. Insane. Like some lazy version of manic.
It is in these moments that time plays tricks on your mind. And dreams, hopes, worries and fears all sit at the same table.
At least I can mentally puke on this little blog when I feel like it. And wander around the others, so many, with new perspectives or shared shadows. It is a nice thing to be able to mix one’s own thoughts and ideas with those of others. Of yours. With those of the minds that type thoughts wide with wonder and energy. A pity I allow myself to be too busy to read everything out there.
And I am done.
Rock on.

8 Comments:

Blogger Ell said...

Ah this happens to me too - the words get capture in time, there on paper, on a screen - a snapshot, a glimpse of something that seemed so big and vital at the time, a feeling caught in amber. I sometimes like the way reading the words can evoke the emotion again much much later when the the vitality has waned a little.

You write beautifully. :)

Ell

November 16, 2005 at 7:15 PM  
Blogger CowGirl said...

I love reading your blog. You are a great writer. I wish I could write my thoughts and fellings like that.

Rock on Rex baby!! :)

November 16, 2005 at 9:34 PM  
Blogger Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

Best in a while keep on puking up the good stuff rex.

Hope the boiling has become a mere simmer.

November 16, 2005 at 11:15 PM  
Blogger Sugar said...

Hmmm...your actually revealing yourself here, a small chink in your amour...is that intentional or just another round on the carousel of your life?
Rock on honey x

November 17, 2005 at 3:07 AM  
Blogger sands of time said...

You express your emotions through your words in a wonderful way.as a reader you can feel with you.

November 17, 2005 at 10:19 AM  
Blogger Quixotic Cat said...

Most, if not all, would be better.
Right?
They can’t be worse. Not all of them.
Right?

=^..^=

November 18, 2005 at 3:53 AM  
Blogger DeeM said...

So much greatness in this entire post!
I can relate in so many ways.
"lazy version of manic".
"the real thing will always slap you awake'.

November 18, 2005 at 3:14 PM  
Blogger De.vile said...

Theres something about your words that are so polished and impersonal. Things you would want to find in a book but never do.

Somehow you remind me of waiting rooms.

November 19, 2005 at 7:19 AM  

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