Sunday, December 05, 2004

Just Thinking

Fear has always been a part of life. For most of us, it comes and goes. I have some personal interaction with it. When I was younger, I used to be afraid all the time. Not of anything specific, but just a general background fear. And this fear didn’t really have that much affect on my day to day activities. It is like someone born with, say, only one hand. They adapt, move on and can live normally in the big old world around them. Thinking back it was like my background fear was just higher than most of those I interacted with. Like having a faster pulse rate or something. So, as I said I was able to function fine, basically unaware that I was with this fear because I didn’t know of anything different. But as I grew I could see the difference.
Jumping ahead to the now, things are so changed. The alteration might have been gradual, but again it is something that I failed to notice. It reminds me of that sad, broken hearted feeling you can have when your lover and you part. Your world is crushed. You’ll never love again. Blah blah blah. You spend nights near the phone hoping that she’ll call and days trying to figure out how to win her back. Then one day you wake up and wonder if there are any Clint Eastwood movies on the TV. Not only did you not notice the feelings change, you didn’t even get to revel in the fact that they did. Life just sort of moved on. This is the same thing with this fear. It is gone. I don’t really remember when it left. I know it was a while ago. In its place is contentment. Faith? Not so much that everything is going to be ok, as I often say, but more that even if things go to shit, that I will still be ok. Even if I fail or loose or falter. Or fear.
I had to go through the past to make the present me as I am. Like everyone does. The good, strong and loyal people I have had in my life helped guide me. I learned from their courage. I just hope they felt the better for the exchange also. You know that old saying of Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself? It ranks right up there, as truisms go.

10 Comments:

Blogger Falling Petals said...

I can take that one of two ways, one way is very good and it leaves me hopeful, and the other.....well...not so good....very bad in fact!!!....and I guess if I knew if there were any Clint Eastwood movies on last night I would have my answer.

December 5, 2004 at 9:59 AM  
Blogger Adventure Girl said...

I agree, what will take you farthest in life is those you know and learn from on the way. I also feel I have had incredible luck in the sorts of friends I have had on my journey and can see specific points in life when I had a turning point due to the encouragement of a truly great friend. I am always thankful for them.

December 5, 2004 at 10:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

They day my ass looks like that I will be MORE than happy to paste pictures of it ALL over my website. But you'll have to wait, I'm still workin' on it. Got a little more junk in the trunk, so to speak!

www.gypsygirl.net

December 5, 2004 at 11:55 AM  
Blogger Purrfect said...

hey! it looks like we are thinking on the same wavelength... strrrange... ;)

December 5, 2004 at 2:06 PM  
Blogger in another dimension said...

Fear! I have never liked fear but you know your right we were not given a spirit of fear when we were born. It's a heart issue something has to be planted before it takes root and I know I never used to have fear in my childhood. My parents wouldn't let me watch any scary movies but one day a show poped on and I freaked. It was then I felt fear after I had seen a freaky show that planted seeds on fear in my life I soon recovered and your right life does move on but unless I pray and God totally relieves me of my fear it hangs around lurking in the shadows and when I'm alone and can finally think fear creeps upon me again and it does that often until it exits from my mind by grace. Everyone feels fear it's what we do when we have it that makes all the difference. Try God out he really got rid of mine.

December 6, 2004 at 1:57 AM  
Blogger Mz.BadAzz said...

I have read your blog a few times as well as the comments you post on other blogs, I wanted to let you know how positive and uplifiting you are to others. It was actually a response you left on a friend's blog that promted me to check you out (being a fellow Canadian pulled me in as well, I live in California and feel totally detached from Home.)Keep on Shakin' That Ass!!

Stay Positive

December 6, 2004 at 6:57 PM  
Blogger Mz.BadAzz said...

I have read your blog a few times as well as the comments you post on other blogs, I wanted to let you know how positive and uplifiting you are to others. It was actually a response you left on a friend's blog that promted me to check you out (being a fellow Canadian pulled me in as well, I live in California and feel totally detached from Home.) It is nice to see some people can step outside of themselves to give a kind word to a complete stranger, too bad the pregnant woman my friend complimented couldn't do the same.

Keep Shakin' That Ass!!

December 6, 2004 at 6:59 PM  
Blogger Arethusa said...

Nice post. I noticed that you commented on my blog and gg's so I decided to check yours out. :-)

December 7, 2004 at 1:29 AM  
Blogger Thirza said...

Thank you for your comment on my thoughts. It's difficult for me to express them in English, as that is not my native language ... Wish I was better at it, because it sounds so much nicer than Dutch ...

Your thoughts followed their way into my mind and tangled with some of my thoughts. When two worlds of thought clash together like ours they influence eachother ... Sometimes for better sometimes for worse. Your world added some really interesting scenery to mine and I want to say thanks :-)

December 7, 2004 at 5:53 AM  
Blogger Sydney said...

aha... Go back to the beginning and you always get the catalyst.

December 31, 2005 at 1:50 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home