Saturday, July 23, 2005

The Way It Is

It had been a long time since I had felt.
Really felt.
So when I did, I took the chance and let it all in.
Now it all comes out.
The wet eyes are more frustration than heartbreak.
Because all that effort, all that hope, all that heart was for naught.
There were lots of good things and good times.
But under it all seemed to be distance.
A failing.
I try to remember the happy feelings or the passion.
And I can’t.
So I wonder if it really was there at all.
All I remember is the used, forgotten feeling.
And dying to get away.
But still trying .
Still reaching.
To something I neither cared for nor respected.
I stayed longer than I should have.
Longer than I had wanted to.
Because of something that is hard to explain.
I have explored this repeatedly in thought, as it is my way.
A good metaphor is the moth to the flame.
I was drawn.
And the smoldering of myself wasn’t enough.
To detract from the yearning for that light.
But the light is gone.
I am ash.
And now it is all out of me.

15 Comments:

Blogger Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

I know exactly what you mean so .............this must be good.

July 23, 2005 at 1:16 PM  
Blogger Sugar said...

Better out than in sweetheart..or so they say!

July 23, 2005 at 6:18 PM  
Blogger Carrie said...

nicely worded....
the good the bad and the ugly......
i'm just sayin.

July 23, 2005 at 9:44 PM  
Blogger Leviathan said...

The flame will draw all who long for the light of its touch. But we rise from the ashes phoenix like, with the scars left from burns that go deep. Wear them well, stand tall, close your eyes and breathe. Then rejoin the world all the stronger for the learning.

July 24, 2005 at 2:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you're so full of shit!!!!....when you actually do what you write (actions speak louder than words)....then I can believe you, and have respect for you again...but until then...don't expect anyone to feel sorry for you or give a shit about your relationship with your fucked up psycho girlfriend...it's getting old and we as your friends have better things to do.

July 24, 2005 at 3:55 AM  
Blogger saby said...

WTF Rex !
u feeling blue ?


watever it is
cheer up mate

it cant be all dat bad
it only seems so


all is MAYA
an illusion

July 24, 2005 at 8:47 PM  
Blogger Lorena said...

wow rex this was beautifully written. very intense. you can feel the let-down frustration in each line. the disillusionment. and now it's all out and hope you find something good to fill it with. :)

July 25, 2005 at 2:24 PM  
Blogger You've Got What I Need... said...

Everything is ok.

July 25, 2005 at 9:20 PM  
Blogger Demon Queen said...

You express yourself beautifully Rex. Big wet kiss.

July 26, 2005 at 4:56 AM  
Blogger Keshi said...

~~I stayed longer than I should have.
Longer than I had wanted to.~~

I feel this always...and I know my time isn't too far away from ending...

Good one Rex! Loved every bit of it...u put ur feelings out in writing quite beautifully and cleverly...something that's hard for me to do.

Keshi.

July 26, 2005 at 7:38 PM  
Blogger You Can't Afford Me said...

that was really lovely.

July 26, 2005 at 7:43 PM  
Blogger Firefly said...

incredible romantic writing..

people alwasy ask me why i stayed with my as long as i did...

now i know what to say.

aloha. ff

July 26, 2005 at 7:57 PM  
Blogger BeckEye said...

This totally spoke to me today. Nice job.

July 26, 2005 at 8:16 PM  
Blogger allison said...

reaching for things you never cared for is priceless

July 27, 2005 at 2:25 AM  
Blogger DeeM said...

my favorite line is the eyes are more frustration than heartbreatk. so perfectly captured, this thought, this circumstance. Nice!

July 27, 2005 at 9:52 AM  

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